suhayl.

kids these days.. have too much time in their hands. in her case, it's one guitar lesson too many. is high school musical losing its appeal? awesome no doubt.

People ask me why do i do it? Why be involved with two active bands with big plans and spend thousands of dollars and risk having no returns? Why crack my head open over riffs and lyrics and beats per minute and and search high and low for a decent place to record? Why do i prioritize my bands as close as i prioritize everything else? People ask me why despite taking a toll on my degree, work, family, personal life?

They call it passion, i call it a purpose in life. Everyone has it in some way or another, and this one happens to be mine. And I'll keep doing it as long as it is still within my capabilities.

what am i to you now? i may not know much but at least i am confident enough to know that. the tide is here bringing me their fears of the unforeseen so what am i to say when they chose noone else to confide in but me? i bear the burden of a bigot. my shoulders are giving way to the immense, stacking weight, but should i, too?

pretty much summarizes why i want and why i am in a band. it's not very much about the money and comfort. it's about moving and being moved, by strangers who has absolutely no ties with you except for your music. but most of all, it's about the adventure.

it is going to be a busy february. work in the morning, school in the afternoon, work in the evening, assignments at night. good thing my night job is not of a fixed schedule. my morning job as a clerk is in a conventional, bourgeois, straight-lines at every corner, sharp pencils on every desk type of office located at chin swee road. i'm helping out my aunt, whom i am instructed to address as Mrs Tan to prevent any complications, temporarily for a month. on school days i am needed only from 8.30 to 12.30. then join the afternoon rush to catch the 2 o'clock lecture. 5pm marks the end of lecture and if i am required to work again, i'll join the evening rush back to the east to my post as a cargo boy. otherwise, i'll head home to do some necessary school stuff, and if circumstances allow it, i might have some time with girlfriend / friends. but still, it is a busy month.


somehow i feel the loneliest when i'm at my busiest. it's the transfixed moments when you take a step back and look at your surroundings and you realise what you initially do not. the mist that encircles your vision of focus is gone. and you start to wonder why. you confront your thoughts, you question your senses, you look at your hands and you see the decayed evidence of a human tool whose body and soul has nothing to lose, while at the same time, everything. you relate your heart as a harbinger of ill-contempt. you raise your voice into a whisper. you clasp your hand into a pulp. the blood pumps and pumps in your very veins and like every road, leads to places that has significance, that has importance to someone, somewhat. i bring you these hollow, empty depths of a weaker being, a malcontent maladjusted to what everybody else sees as a firmament. and you bring me hope. oh sweet circling mist. from which bowels of my sick, deprived brain do you exist and cease to exist? the left? the right? and what does it take to make you stay? to make you mine?


gosh, i'm going crazy.

hello online journal. it has been a while. i made a pact with myself you see. and i managed to fulfill it. so now it is justifiable for me to write an entry. well, type is more like it. i started the year with a nap and a handful of resolutions. school re-opened a few weeks later and i realised that i don't have the same drive as i had the last semester. i know it will come back, just like that itch you have on your leg every night. in five days time is our first show in two years, two months, and 8 days. i swear that every one who comes to catch us will be showered with unconditional appreciation from us. despite the freaking long absence, you stood by and remain unwavered. we thank you. and in a couple of weeks time is our first recording since our last EP. this time, it is a full length. what an exciting year it is turning out to be. so here i am, half typing an entry and half watching denzel washington's brilliant portrayal of frank lucas. in a few minutes i'll be in the shower. in a few hours i'll be in school. and in the evening, i'll be at work. what an uneventful day it is turning out to be.

you look vaguely familiar when i see you floating there face-up in the pool.. oh yeah, you look like my shit.

i stumbled upon this video and i find it exceptionally cool. initially, i thought that it was just a montage of photographs, but it actually isn't at all. the lighting and the actors pulled it off. you can see the subtle movements if you look closely.

besides the whole coolness of this video, i really dig the song. get up and go by broadcast 2000.

since i have temporarily lost my ability to walk normally, i stay home watching random programmes on tv, playing my trusty six-strings, yawning, eating, sleeping, etc. but most of the time, i'm glued to my computer, indulging myself with the likes of wikipedia, youtube, facebook and myspace. wikipedia is a haven for knowledge. some are misleading and sparsely innacurate, but still interesting nevertheless. i randomly searched and read through articles relating the battle of yarmouk, the flying dutchman, the mary celeste, the wandering jew, star wars, lord of the rings, family guy, etc, etc. the point is, wikipedia is captivating.

so anyway, since it was my birthday a few days back, i typed 'august 14th' and i found out that i share the same birthday with these people:

- emperor hanazono (95th emperor of japan).
- aleksandar obrenović (murdered king of serbia).
- john henry "doc" holliday (dentist, gambler, gunfighter of the old west).
- steve martin (comedian).
- danielle steel (romantic novelist).
- bob backlund (american wrestler).
- magic johnson (basketball player).
- halle berry (actress, bond girl).
- catherine bell (actress, famous for portraying Lt. Col. Sarah Mackenzie in JAG).
- daisuke ishiwatari (game developer, composer).
- jay-jay okocha (footballer).
- martin bulloch (drummer for mogwai).
- mila kunis (heterochromatic actress, voice of meg in family guy).
- ashlynn brooke (hot porn star).

august the 14th is also pakistan's national day, flag day for paraguay, and in the u.s., it is national creamsicle day. how cute is that.



so give it a try if you have nothing to do. i did. and i had fun knowing.

most things are forgotten over time. we're so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past, like ancient stars that have burned out, are no longer in orbit about our minds. there are just too many new things we have to think about every day, too many new things we have to learn. new styles, new information, new technology, new terminology.... but still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. they remain with us for ever, like a touchstone.

here's a random secret about me. when i was much younger, i once farted in a mosque during friday prayers but i continued anyway cos i was right in front, somewhere in the middle, and also, i did not really know what to do, cos i was too young. i guess i had farted pretty loudly, cos i remembered the glares i received after prayers. my late grandfather, who was with me then, had a hearing condition, so i'm guessing he did not hear anything. lucky not smelly sia.

i finished watching full metal alchemist. one of the better animes i have seen. very intriguing show to watch. edward and alphonse elric. such endearing protagonists. speaking of animes, avatar: the last airbender series has ended, quite sad to know that actually. i really love that show. i can only imagine how the live film will be. that shyamalan guy better not cock up like his later shows.

here's another fact. i never enjoyed hentai the way some guys (that i personally know!) do. pornographic exploitations of cartoon characters are very weird. and beastiality = a much sicker form of animal abuse. and some other extremely bizzare fetishes. one example is the cleveland steamer. if you are wondering what the heck that is, go type it out on google. damn madness i tell you.

i'm catching toe and envy. planned on catching caliban too, but no money lah. besides, i'm saving up for their merchandise. gonna and gotta get my hands on transfovista. hope to see you guys there! so exciting!

the human torch was denied a bank loan.

it's good that all these big names are coming down. saves us all the time and money to catch them abroad.

mono left me all goosebumpy, literally. but i guess it might be the rashes that i got from the chilli crabs. yes, after 22 years in this depreciating world, i just found out that i am allergic to crab. also partly because i've been eating crab sticks, which i also recently found out are. not. made. of. crab. meat. at all. the deceit. i was fooled. kanasai. and because of eating crab sticks for the longest time, i thought i could eat crabs. binawey.

on a lighter note, i got my first pay, 4 digit number for a part time job. not bad yo! school starting on monday. i hope i can handle studying notes and textbooks after 2 years of regimenta and disiplin. i hoap dat i cud steel sepel propeli inn inglish.

i'm going for mono. i'm going now.

are you there? it's 16.12 and a heart has asked for the pleasure. the remains of the day has brought the flames beyond the cold mountain. the halcyon soars, yearning to see the moonlight.

shouyou taru.

the new weezer music video is fun. it featured all the youtube stars including my fave: afroninja. it's titled "pork and beans". go watch.

i've been basking in the ambience of my new found status as an ordinary civilian, and i love it. some people may not like it, but i relish it. makes me feel more human again. and the fact that i now have the opportunity to earn more than $600 a month is a big yahoo.

i got a job at UPS as a pre-loader. yeah, it sounds a lot like freeloader. usually working the graveyard shift from 0330 to 1000 hours. (yeah, it's hard to shake off the army lingo that has been a part of my semi-colourful vocabulary for the past two years.) it's a sweat job and i earn a much decent pay compared to what i was earning. inn, fad and alfrey's there too, so... yeah.

i'm starting school this 7th july. my last shot at being a full-time student. ho ho! tumble tots, ppis taman asuhan, haig boys' primary, siglap secondary, temasek poly, and now, RMIT uni.

after that it's time to make money money, make money money moneeeyyy.

when i look at the amount of upcoming shows for other bands, then i look at mine, i feel very, very, itchy.

i can't wait for mono. i've been trying to get their split release with world's end girlfriend, but it has not been fruitful. anybody have it?

sam, i heard this june 10th no pay for us sia. how sia want to join california fitness?