suhayl.

Dee, i know you're reading this. and i will find out your secret twitter account somehow. HAHA. coffee again soon. or what was that greenish, healthy-looking thing you always drink? that. soon.

"hey you."

two words that would change my entire perception of the day. so direct, so curt, so harmless these two words are that they can be of little meaning to almost anyone, and yet they send me shivers. in an uplifting way. but not just from anyone. someone with a peculiar name.

kids these days.. have too much time in their hands. in her case, it's one guitar lesson too many. is high school musical losing its appeal? awesome no doubt.

People ask me why do i do it? Why be involved with two active bands with big plans and spend thousands of dollars and risk having no returns? Why crack my head open over riffs and lyrics and beats per minute and and search high and low for a decent place to record? Why do i prioritize my bands as close as i prioritize everything else? People ask me why despite taking a toll on my degree, work, family, personal life?

They call it passion, i call it a purpose in life. Everyone has it in some way or another, and this one happens to be mine. And I'll keep doing it as long as it is still within my capabilities.

what am i to you now? i may not know much but at least i am confident enough to know that. the tide is here bringing me their fears of the unforeseen so what am i to say when they chose noone else to confide in but me? i bear the burden of a bigot. my shoulders are giving way to the immense, stacking weight, but should i, too?

pretty much summarizes why i want and why i am in a band. it's not very much about the money and comfort. it's about moving and being moved, by strangers who has absolutely no ties with you except for your music. but most of all, it's about the adventure.

it is going to be a busy february. work in the morning, school in the afternoon, work in the evening, assignments at night. good thing my night job is not of a fixed schedule. my morning job as a clerk is in a conventional, bourgeois, straight-lines at every corner, sharp pencils on every desk type of office located at chin swee road. i'm helping out my aunt, whom i am instructed to address as Mrs Tan to prevent any complications, temporarily for a month. on school days i am needed only from 8.30 to 12.30. then join the afternoon rush to catch the 2 o'clock lecture. 5pm marks the end of lecture and if i am required to work again, i'll join the evening rush back to the east to my post as a cargo boy. otherwise, i'll head home to do some necessary school stuff, and if circumstances allow it, i might have some time with girlfriend / friends. but still, it is a busy month.


somehow i feel the loneliest when i'm at my busiest. it's the transfixed moments when you take a step back and look at your surroundings and you realise what you initially do not. the mist that encircles your vision of focus is gone. and you start to wonder why. you confront your thoughts, you question your senses, you look at your hands and you see the decayed evidence of a human tool whose body and soul has nothing to lose, while at the same time, everything. you relate your heart as a harbinger of ill-contempt. you raise your voice into a whisper. you clasp your hand into a pulp. the blood pumps and pumps in your very veins and like every road, leads to places that has significance, that has importance to someone, somewhat. i bring you these hollow, empty depths of a weaker being, a malcontent maladjusted to what everybody else sees as a firmament. and you bring me hope. oh sweet circling mist. from which bowels of my sick, deprived brain do you exist and cease to exist? the left? the right? and what does it take to make you stay? to make you mine?


gosh, i'm going crazy.

hello online journal. it has been a while. i made a pact with myself you see. and i managed to fulfill it. so now it is justifiable for me to write an entry. well, type is more like it. i started the year with a nap and a handful of resolutions. school re-opened a few weeks later and i realised that i don't have the same drive as i had the last semester. i know it will come back, just like that itch you have on your leg every night. in five days time is our first show in two years, two months, and 8 days. i swear that every one who comes to catch us will be showered with unconditional appreciation from us. despite the freaking long absence, you stood by and remain unwavered. we thank you. and in a couple of weeks time is our first recording since our last EP. this time, it is a full length. what an exciting year it is turning out to be. so here i am, half typing an entry and half watching denzel washington's brilliant portrayal of frank lucas. in a few minutes i'll be in the shower. in a few hours i'll be in school. and in the evening, i'll be at work. what an uneventful day it is turning out to be.